True, 2026 is the year for official ballot casting, but real, live, potent and active politicking kicks off in earnest, this calendar year 2025. It is the year of business for both aspirants and voters alike, time to brace for the toughest leg of the campaigns.
Internalizing the techniques of coming to terms with abuses and embarrassment of all nature, borrowing the latest and most sophisticated brands of scolding the opponents, scouting around for new and possibly fool proof lies and empty promises. Nothing new!
Aspirants exposed to a choice of constituencies must make their ground work in this period to establish who are standing where, which is a softer landing ground to take on, who looks an easier prey to ‘sweet talk’ out of the race, any loopholes for a ‘short cut’ to victory, earmarking resources for all this and more ground work in preparations for the road to that prestigious title ‘Honourable’.
Maama Eyaleka Ow’emyezi 8 Emyaka 2 N’ena Bokka mu Nnyumba Abeewanisizza Emitima!
But one thing that does not pose a big bother to the majority of these honourable ladies and gentlemen is the issue of relevant academic papers meeting the Electoral Commission (EC) prescriptions because there is a short cut to this would-be hurdle somewhere on Nasser Road right in the heart of Kampala, and possibly in the many internet outlets spread all over town. Before doubting me, start by asking yourself why incidences of legislators jumping on tables like primary three kids in absence of their teacher, engaging in physical fights, grabbing the speaker’s mace, name calling and dubbing one another thieves, and other related occurrences have been the order of the day in this specific political term?
Before the advent of the era of real muscle flexing and engaging in gymnastics-like antiques by law makers, In the National Resistance Council (NRC), a councillor walked out on grounds of dissatisfaction and as a result he was branded a hooligan, primitive, unprincipled and uncultured. Today, when they jump on tables, let alone get into physical fights, they are called heroes.
Back to the list of the most important campaign items. Understandably, before being declared candidates, aspirants will need resources to fulfil nomination requirements but before that, they need by far more money while canvassing for support. Interestingly, they keep complaining that nomination fees are too high, and keep mum over the millions they squander with no element of accountability, while ‘visiting’ and ‘greeting’ the people.
Aspirants need a lot of financial resources for making rounds, an item that is revisited several times over and over again from the time they make their intentions public to polling day. Man, they must consistently remind voters that they (politicians) are still around and willing to be sent to ‘serve’. They also have the burden of concocting new promises – preferably those that have never been made by their predecessors, and give fiscal proof that they are the best candidates to fulfil what others failed to do.
Again, they have the burden of identifying weaknesses and strengths of ‘new kids on the block’ those making the inaugural political appearance) to be able to weaken them by either bribing them out of the deal – this, in a bid to ease the tension of having multiple opponents to fight.
Many have been heard and seen contemplating as to which electoral area to stand in – woman MP or directly elected MP? Mayor or LC V chairman? The choice of course, depends on which one offers a safer, softer landing, and not necessarily which constituents are badly in need of their services. Mukono has seen politicians running as mayors on one political party ticket, as MPs the other term on a different ticket, and yet contemplating whether to run in constituency A or B in the next round of elections! Service to people indeed!!!
In this politics of juggling, a cadre of professional campaigners has incidentally been created, composed of specialists in ‘kakuyege’ (clandestine house-to-house in most times illegal night campaigns), specialists in mudslinging and demoralising opponents to the extent that such people have discarded decent and well defined jobs, and turned to temporal (but lucrative) vote hunting job. All this, at the aspirants’ expense.
Top on such campaigners’ job description list is making daily rounds to identify who has lost a dear one (including miscarriages), cheapest coffin makers on the market, who has had a relative jailed (including notorious chicken thieves on the village), those with their kins admitted in hospitals, children sent back home for not having paid fees, up to those wishing to ‘wet’ their throats usually in dust-to-dawn drinking sprees.
And The Voters?
They too have plans to draw in 2025 in preparation for 2026. They need to identify the best aspirant meeting the following minimum standards:
- A fat, juicy purse behind a generous heart that does not ask too many questions before dipping deep in their pockets. They must be ready to sustain voters’ needs and demands as and when they are made all through the campaign period up to election time.
- They must be ready to run the risk of voluntarily making big promises (bordering on a Godly nature).
- They must be ready to improvise in emergency cases, say, a voter has received unannounced guests from the village and there is nothing in the house to put on the table.
- Those in position to sweet talk, if need be, bribe corporate institutions to offer jobs to the multitude of jobless youths in families from where they are looking for votes.
- In what may look rather insolent, voters would be most attracted to aspirants ready to offer something out-of-pocket in addition to other requirements like soap, sugar salt, school fees, clearing medical bills etc…
Like many of you out there, I used to wonder why some honourables (sic!) are at the verge of being declared bankrupt as soon as they are sworn in, with some making parliament their second home, fixing a second gate at their residences, keeping their vehicles in the parliamentary parking yard for days on end, travelling incognito in public vehicles, for avoiding creditors!
And do you still ask why the honourable members, at the slightest instigation, struggle to raise their pay? Shamelessly, some were even suggesting burial allowances for themselves when they die, in or out of parliament!!!!!
So much for Uganda’s Honourables.
By Mike-Musisi Musoke, a Senior Journalist